ARGH, mateys!

 I really wish I had a pirate ship.

 My own sea going vessel ( put aside the fact I know nothing of sailing, and really hate deep water)

   Complete with cannons....

                                                 and planks to make my enemies walk!

 I want my very own island on which to hide my treasure

 
 a crew to flog  and make to swab the decks, And a bunch of scallywags and rogues to hang about with.. like

                                                                           And

                                                                             And      

 Lets not forget the pillaging of port side cities.. Im not so big on rape, but if those romance novels are to be believed, most women only protest for modesty's sake, they don't mean it ( sarcasm, people...smell it ?).

  

                                                     I want to battle other ships...

                                          and have sword fights on the shores of deserted islands...

I want to climb into the eagle's nest and...wait.. scratch that. I'm scared of heights. That wont do. But you get my drift, I think...
  
                                        I want to wear thigh high boots, and a cutlass.
I want to shove my *heaving bossoms into a corset ( *according to romance novels, all bossoms heave)
           My crew can call me 'Cap'n' and admire my puffy, piratey shirts! 

  Mostly I just want to tell real life to take a hike. ...