41

Today is Pj's birthday. And we should be at his house, with his wife and kids. His wife and I would be taunting him about his receding hairline, and his paunch. She'd louse up the cake ( because he would marry for great sex and a beautiful face, and I can guarantee she wouldnt be able to cook) So I'd go get the one I brought from his favorite bakery. He'd grill and drink beer, and we'd all have the best time. If we were at Pj's house.

 But we wont be. He never got to meet his wife and kids. He never made it past 18. Some stupid juvenille prank mixed with alcohol and a teenager's belief in his own immortality ended in a very horrific death.

 His death changed my life. Some of it for the better. Its a horrible way to learn to appreciate the people you love. But I learned it. That lesson will always feel like his gift to me. I try never to leave words unspoken, or anger unsettled. Sometimes it is to my own detriment. Because I do not let go of people easily- even when they are toxic to me. I know he would not want me to grieve for him for so long, but to let it go means letting him go, and the grief and the memories are all I have left of him.

 I miss him.. Every day, I miss him.

So say what you need to say NOW. Don't wait. You never know when time will come thieving.