*sigh*

        I was abnormally close to my children when they were small. I couldn't think of anything better than spending all my time with them. They were my best friends, and we did everything together.
         I hated when my son started school, but I had my daughter, so it wasn't so bad.  But when my daughter started kindergarten it killed me. I used to beg them to stay home from school and play with me. Natalie would put her hands on my face and kiss my nose and tell me, " No mommy, we HAVE to go to school."
   One morning the kids brought me a stack of coloring books and crayons, and told me to color some pages, and then the time would seem to go faster. Of course I did, just to make them happy, and when they got home Nat put them on the fridge, and put gold stars on them.

  *sigh*

My children are all grown now. My son is almost 21, my baby girl 18.  And they have grown into the most wonderful people. Caring, and kind hearted. Smart, generous, and loving. Everything a parent could hope to see in their child's character. They are amazing.

   But every now and then, like tonight, I miss my little guys so much. I miss Natalie cuddling up in bed beside, and Jareth's random 'hug mommy' attacks. I miss playing with them when they would sit in the front of the shopping cart.  I miss hearing their little voices in the backseat singing along to Trent Reznor or The Cure.  I miss going for walks, and laying in the driveway in the middle of the night to look at the stars. I miss holding their tiny little hands and  Jareth telling Natalie " Hold Mommy's hand so I can go potty. She'll get scared if you lose her." Every time he went potty  when we were in a store( which for a 7 year old, was a LOT). I miss their tiny little faces and good night kisses and watching them sleep...

  Where does all the time go?

And why does it have to go so fast?

  

Valentine's Day is coming...

...and I really dont care.
　
  I wont be the only person alone, and it isnt going to kill me. Hell, it wont even hurt a bit. Its not like Im not equally alone the other 365 ( leap year!) days this year. One more day is a drop in the bucket. It doesnt mean I am less loved; and should I spend the day with a date, it also won't mean I am more loved. It makes me kind of sad to know how important this day is to a lot of people. I wonder why this has to be a day of selfish acts of love. Why not make it about sharing the love you have with as many people as you can?


    I  wish I had the money to go buy a bunch of Valentines cards, though, and take them up to the senior center..or the children's hospital in Savannah. I'd like to stick them on the windshields of veterans, and send even more to the military overseas. I'd love to bring them to the widow(er)s, and the parents, of soldiers who have died in service. I'd like to take them to shut-ins, and the rehab facility. Maybe even visit the Dialysis Center, or the Oncology building.  Why not show those who often get forgotten that they, too, are loved?

       Maybe this is a project I will work on for next year.

Damn..gonna need a LOT of glitter...

Apology

I cannot grant
      forgiveness
            as easily
   as you bestow 'sorries'.
     My words hold weight,
     they have meaning,
   unlike any 'sorry'
    you have ever spoken.
 You kneel at my feet
    to plead your
      regret.
   Now you see
    what you have lost.
 what you threw away.
    Now you feel
  the absence
      of something
     truly spectacular,
        and rare.
   You lift your eyes to mine
        you whisper
            you beg

          and I turn away.

     'Sorry' isn't currency

     accepted by this broken soul.

       And forgiveness costs

              far more

      than any atonement

         you offer

             on bent knee.

Saturday Smilies..

As told on Sunday ...

   * Laena has a new pic a day project. YAY!!
   * an unexpected phone call
   * no blood pressure..Im half alien!!
   * two more chapters into the story
   * A new poetry book set for Valentine's day
   * Time for growing!
   *  Awesome house fried rice at the local Chinese take out. mmm
  

 

Too old...

   You're too old
 for coloring books
 and playing with toys
  and staying up all night

  you're too old
 to listen music
that pounds out of speakers
  in cars teenagers drive.

 You're too old
  to dance like that
in stiletto heels
  and jeans that are skin tight

  You're too old
 for dying your hair
in those garish shades
  of purple and blues.

   you're too old
to go back to school
 to change your life
  to learn something new.

While that may all be true
   it also means Im
   MUCH  too old
to listen to someone
    tell me what I can
          and cannot
                  do.

Cleaning closets

  I am slowly going through old posts on themxperience blog. I've found a few that are worthy of a polish and shine. I've been posting them here and there, but I think Im going to try to release a happy love poem book in time for Valentine's Day. We'll see how that goes.
 
  My stalker returned. It seems her boyfriend dumped her, and as usual thinks it had something to do with me. If only I had that much control over the universe.. seriously!

   Ive been writing- not much- but it seems to be coming together. I had a nice storming session of writing notes. But notes are not a story. I have to quit stalling and just write the damn story already, even if it is stupid. Its not like I have anything else to do.  Man, that's just sad.

   Ok. I'm leaving before I continue to depress myself.